Tom and I have been together for five years now, and for the first two years, we had struggles with adjusting to each other’s personalities, arguing over who’s going to do what, and fighting about whether or not we should plan on moving on to the next level – whatever that level was. We’ve consulted with psychologist and psychiatrist friends, and they’ve told us that we were just in the first stages of our relationship and we should set aside our worries and anxieties and focus on compensating and giving way. Now in our fifth year, we are happier than ever. Want to know why? Read on.
Fact is, couples must work hard for their relationship to work. When you get past the basic infatuation-attraction phase and step up towards the living together phase, it is usual for partners to forget how they started and why they are together in the first place. When this happens, you begin to lay back and eventually, the romance disappears as quickly as you expect it to. It’s not a great phase at all.
Of course, some couples may think that because the romance is fading, there is nothing left fighting for and the battle has been lost. Perhaps you are right. But before giving up, and if there’s tiny hope of love and affection there, don’t you think you ought to stay a while and give your partner a chance of rekindling the love? After all, he used to be someone you committed your life and love to.
Why Do Relationships Crash?
Relationships fail for many reasons. Some partners cheat with one-night stands or discreet affairs; others squander the joint bank account with gambling and other forms of recreation. Finding the right partner helps, no matter how cliché that sounds. It doesn’t matter if you find that partner at Tinder or following the steps of a fortuneteller to know if your latest date is the one you’ve been waited for. What’s important is that you both share the same principles and treat each other with respect, love, and compassion.
Your relationship will weather the storm if you are kind to each other. Unfortunately, not all individuals have the capacity to be emotionally in touch with themselves and to communicate efficiently so that they are equipped to solve the problems that come in their way. For these individuals, relationship counseling is one of the best solutions. Are you one of these individuals who need a counselor’s help? That depends. According to Chris Corbett, PsyD, “Therapists can provide a fresh perspective on a difficult problem or point you in the direction of a solution. The benefits you obtain from therapy depend on how well you use the process and put into practice what you learn.”
According to several studies, most partners try to be together for six years despite their struggles before they reach out to a mental health professional. I think that’s quite a long time. You’d have been through a lot of depressing days and sleepless nights. Before you know it, your relationship has gone way down that you can’t even pull it up an inch.
Commitment Takes Two
“Therapy can also promote positive changes in mood, insight and empathy and facilitate healthy relationships.” Said Robin D. Stone, LMHC. Relationship therapy works only if both partners are dedicated to fixing the relationship. When one partner says yes to counseling but his right foot is out of the door, and he has someone in mind other than his official partner, then definitely the counseling would be a waste of time. The therapist will eventually end the session and suggest that you don’t go back because nothing can be done to save the relationship.
Learning From The Counselor
On the other hand, if both partners are dead serious about saving the relationship and are hopeful that they can work it out, then the relationship counselor can help in a lot of ways. Initially, she can help you open up about your problems and differences, and both of you can be assured of safety and confidentiality. Then she provides you with powerful tools that you’ll need to fix your problems.
In most relationships, the primary problem is the lack of communication and openness. Not arguing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a good place. It can also mean that you’re not open enough to tell each other of your faults or confident enough to say how you feel. Arguing helps resolve issues and vent out the frustrations that you have of each other. It’s much better to argue about who is doing the chores this weekend rather than let the resentment linger for months.
“Love is the root of what brings each and every one of us to therapy—the need to understand love, the hunger and desperation to find love and experience love, the desire to love and the desire to be loved,” says Stacy Donn Cristo, LMHC.
If you think that you and your partner are in bad shape right now, try seeking the help of a relationship counselor. Push yourselves further and try reaching out to a professional if you feel the love and you want the love to stay forever.