Signs You’re Dating An In-Denial Sex Addict According To Counselors

When I was in high school, I used to get teased a lot for having strict parents. After all, they were very vocal about saying that I was forbidden from having a boyfriend until I finished college. My mom or dad never let me ride the public bus either in fear of any boy trying to get close to me. They would rather wake up early to drive me to school instead of taking that chance.

While most kids I knew to have strict parents like mine were already being rebellious and having boyfriends left and right behind their parents’ backs, I did not share their sentiment. Of course, it seemed nice to have a boyfriend, especially when all your friends had one, but I shared my mother’s belief that my one true love would knock at my door one day, and I would not need to go through many guys to find him.

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Striking Gold

I was already in grad school when I met John. We shared a class during my last semester, and I thought he was cute In a dorky kind of way. I liked guys like him because he did not seem too worldly for me, and I assumed that we would hit it off immediately. I was technically done studying, so when he asked me out on a date, I said yes, even without asking for my parents’ permission.

My relationship with John developed pretty fast. By the time we both got our Master’s degrees, we were already planning to live in New York together as we built our careers. Living together before any marriage talks took place was against my original beliefs, but John always made it sound so rational and exciting. When I informed my parents about it, they were a little unhappy with my decision, but they trusted me enough to know what’s right for me.

Finding Out I Might Have Gotten A Bronze

I had known since the first time we slept together that my boyfriend John loved sex. He never forced me to do it with him, but there were instances when all our conversations would lead to intimate talks. It almost even turned me off before, but then he promised to stop doing that.

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The thing was, when we were already staying under the same roof, I saw his massive collection of adult movies. Although the actors and actresses were all of legal age, I found that a little odd. After all, we were already doing it three or four times a day, so why would he need to keep those movies?

When I asked John about it, he said that it was for “research purposes.” He claimed not to have a lot of sexual experience before we got together, so he wanted to get more ideas on what to do in bed from those movies. I accepted that reasoning for a while until I realized That he would always have one on whenever he had a chance. I even caught him watching porn while I was driving us back home from a grocery run.

I had to put my foot down at that point because it felt like I was dating a sex addict. Worse, he might be a porn addict. I talked to John about this again, and he started denying it like I saw things that were not there. That was our first major argument, and it did not feel good that it was because of sex.

John’s habits did not stop in the next couple of months, and I gave him an ultimatum. He could get counseling, or we could call it quits. He insisted that he did not want to break up with me, so John signed up for counseling, albeit half-heartedly.

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Getting Counseling

While John agreed to go to a counselor, I could see that he genuinely did not believe that he had if problem. He wanted me to be in the same room so that it would be more like couples counseling if it turned out he was not a sex addict in denial. I was cool with that. I would even say sorry if I were wrong, but it did not feel like I was wrong.

The counselor allowed John to speak first, and he talked about his habits in a watered-down manner. Meaning, from his point of view, it genuinely did not sound like a problem. 

When it was my turn, I told the counselor how John was always watching porn on his phone or laptop, even though we had sex multiple times a day.

John interjected, “What’s so wrong about liking it? I don’t say a word about you liking shoes or clothes.”

Before I could say something heated, the counselor took the floor. Her initial assessment mirrored mine — John was most likely a sex addict in denial. He started protesting about the idea again, but the counselor explained what a sex addict meant being.

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Sex addiction is not merely found in men or women who have a lot of one-night stands or pay people to have sex with them. Even if you are faithful to your girlfriend, but you refuse to let a day pass without having sexual intercourse or watching adult movies, that’s a sign of sexual addiction too. Now, the bigger problem is that you cannot accept that you are a sex addict, which can honestly ruin a relationship. After all, your partner can only do so much for you. If she sees that you’re lost cause, she may leave you.”

That seemed like a wake-up call for John. After that, he became more open to counseling, and after a month, he canceled his subscription to porn websites and deleted every adult movie that he saved on his phone, laptop, USB sticks, etc. 

We continued to do counseling, and I believed it helped our relationship to grow as well. Even when John moved past his sexual addiction, we would still see the counselor regularly just to make sure that it would never return.

Marriage Counseling: Techniques And Methods Used

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Most of the time it’s difficult to admit that you and your partner don’t have a perfect relationship. It is a constant work in progress, since every person varies and responds differently to situations. If you’re a couple in distress, lacking in intimacy, or considering separation, marriage counseling may be able to help address the issues in your relationship.

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6 Signs That You Might Not Be So Good In Bed (Opt For Online Therapy To Feel Better About Yourself)

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It used to be every 12 hours. After a few years, it became once a week. Add some kids in the bedroom and a busy day schedule, our sexual intimacy was limited to once a month. After that, I refused to count. I don’t know if it’s because we’re getting old, he has meds to take, I am a depressed individual or all of the factors combined. It seemed impossible that the once sexually eager couple like us became too cold. Is it because of life? Or is it because I lost touch with my sexuality and he feels I’m not that good in bed?

 

Sex plays a vital role in every intimate relationship. It is a human’s way of expressing their affection to a significant other and is an act that leads to procreation. Both parties should enjoy sex and it should also be fun and satisfying.

 

However, fun and games in the bedroom aren’t always the case for all. In fact, many couples experience sexual dryness and dissatisfaction. Several factors correlate to this, and it is very alarming since this can lead to relationship trouble or even separation.

 

The question is: How do I know that I do not sexually satisfy my partner? Here are the signs.

 

You’re Too Insecure About Your Body

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If you are too conscious about your body, your focus on your partner will waver. Being so aware of how your body looks for your partner or how you will look in a specific position will get your mind off the intercourse which will then decrease the satisfaction level of the other.

 

You Don’t Know How To Get Yourself Off

 

A significant part of sex has a lot to do with body exploration. If you are not doing it with passion, your partner will notice it, and your insecurities will kick in.

 

You’re Not Hygienic When It Comes To Your Private Parts

 

If you seldom wash your armpits and other prone-to-smell body parts, chances are you’ll turn your partner’s sexual urge off. Once he detects an annoying smell on you, it will take his mind off the sexual activity and turn him off.

 

You Use The Same Move Every Single Time

 

Sex should always be exciting and full of pleasure. Treat it is an adventure, not an obligation or a chore. If you only know one trick and have been using it ever since, it will bore your partner.

 

You Never Talk About Sex

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Communication should work hand-in-hand with sex when it comes to intimate relationships. If both of you are not open to talking about what you want from each other, then you will have a difficult time finding ways on how to get your partner on fire.

 

You Try To Mimic Adult Films Way Too Often

 

Sex you see in adult films are orchestrated and choreographed for the audience, so don’t expect that you can duplicate it and get the same thing. You’ll only end up frustrated and unsatisfied.

 

I feel the need to make another blog about this topic. It will be published shortly after this part one, and it will cover six more signs. But you know what, years of therapy made me realize that it’s not just about me. It’s about us, as a couple. Sex is supposed to be natural, and there are no standards to that. It’s an expression of your lust, commitment, longing, thirst, and love for your partner. Anyway, with professional help, you can stop overthinking and start feeling good about yourself amidst this issue.

Online Marriage Counseling

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There are many reasons why couples go for online marriage counseling compared to the traditional approach. The internet has provided people with ease and convenience from social media communication, to shopping, and yes, even online counseling. With just a click of a button, a couple can have the opportunity to resolve their issues and maybe, just maybe, save their marriage.

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How Counseling Can Save Your Relationship

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Relationships are never static. There are ups and downs through the life of each relationship. We all know there are times when our partner is our favorite person in the world and there are other times where they are certainly one of our least favorites! Often, these are the times when people tend to turn to relationship counseling (when things have taken a turn for the worse). This is certainly what seems to be depicted on television and in the movies; the typical married couple, maybe around the seven-year-itch time, yelling at each other on a couch as a therapist nods along sympathetically. However, please don’t let this taint your view of relationship counseling as this is not what you should expect. You might be surprised to know though that there are a number of ways relationship counseling can help in addition to the usual “damage control” that is often most commonly expected. Continue reading “How Counseling Can Save Your Relationship”

Additional 6 Signs That You Might Not Be So Good In Bed (Opt For Online Therapy To Feel Better About Yourself)

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My inspiration for this writeup is my best friend. She’s the one talking about her experience with her husband on the first part of this writeup. (For those who haven’t read the first part, I suggest that you go there first before reading this one. This is the concluding article, and it would be helpful for you to read that before you enjoy this one.) I remember her telling me over the phone. She was crying her heart out, and I couldn’t seem to understand her words, “My husband left me. He said I’m not good in bed, and that he hates me! We’re getting a divorce.”

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Ways To Ensure Your Long-Distance Relationship Will Have A Happy Ending

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My now-husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for a solid three years. He was in the military and had to go to another country to fulfill his duties. We could get married before his deployment so that I could live with him. However, I was only in my second year in the university back then, and he knew about my promise to my dad that I would finish my degree before tying the knot. So, we had no choice but to be in a long-distance relationship.

The years we spent apart were honestly not easy to deal with. The fear of the other person getting romantically involved with a third party was out of the question because my man got stationed practically away from civilization. What’s difficult, however, was staying in contact with one another.

The first year was the hardest stage. My beau and I used to be around each other all the time. Hence, being thousands of miles away from each other made me long for him so much, and vice versa. We would text and video call a few times a day. We would try to take a break on the same day and merely spend it on a “movie date.” By that, I mean I would open Netflix and turn the camera towards the TV screen so that he could watch a film with me.

On the second years, things became a little trickier because we had more responsibilities in our fields. The calls became less frequent; often, we could only communicate through texts. Sometimes, my man would even fall asleep while we were video chatting out of exhaustion, or vice versa.

When the third year came, and his deployment was about to end, I had a heart-to-heart talk with my beau to figure out where we stand. As it turns out, he loves me as much as I love him, and he doesn’t want our relationship to end. When my boyfriend came back, he asked for my hand, filed for retirement, and opened his business. The “long-distance” part of our relationship passed, and we are now happily married.

If you are still in LDR mode, here’s what I learned from my experience that I could share to you.

1. Communicate

Communication is and will always be essential for any relationship. Especially when you live thousands of miles apart, you need to talk – not text – as much as possible. Written messages cannot express how you feel, after all, so you have to use your voice to make the other person understand you.

2. Compromise

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When you are in a long-distance relationship, the effort should not come from one-half of the couple only. You should learn how to compromise to avoid making the other person feel neglected. For instance, if you are too busy today, make time for your love the next day.

3. Prioritize

An individual who cares for you sincerely will never make you feel like you are not their priority and vice versa. Be sure to take at least a few minutes to update one another about your whereabouts and what you are doing. Take note of their likes as well so that you can give it to them if a chance arises.

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Final Thoughts

There’s nothing to worry about no matter how far you are from your love as long as you feel secure with your relationship. Just wait – you may have the same happy ending that I have gotten.

Falling Out Of Love – What To Do

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In some marriages, this is what happens. The couple becomes so familiar with each other and grows very close over the years that they sometimes forget to treat one another with utmost respect. The husband will progress from white lies to compulsively lying. Nagging and shouting even at the littlest of things – this becomes the wife. With their “too familiar” behavior, the couple will then begin to hate each other and can fall out of love.

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He Cheated On Me, I Cheated On Him, Is There Still A Chance?

This is very heartbreaking. You are in a relationship with the love of your life. You thought that everything will be smooth sailing. You never expected to have this fiasco of betrayal and lies, but it still happened. He cheated on you. So to get even with you, you also cheated on him. Is there a chance to salvage your almost fairy tale relationship?

Continue reading “He Cheated On Me, I Cheated On Him, Is There Still A Chance?”