Counseling For Single Ladies Who Hate Their Single Status

When I was a kid, I had been told that I had it all. I had a loving family that provided all my needs and more. I got terrific grades all the time to the extent that some companies would go to school and offer scholarships to me. More importantly, I had a lot of friends real friends who never talked behind my back and remained loyal for years.

However, the problem I experienced started with the sentence “you can’t have it all.” I heard it from some kids before, but they were about another person. They were like, “You need to let go because you can’t have it all.” Even though they were not talking to me, I was mildly bothered by that statement because I had almost everything that anyone could ever want. So, what can’t I have?

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A Boyfriend

As it turned out, I could not have a boyfriend. It was not because my parents were very strict or because I was unattractive. Heck, I even participated in beauty pageants in middle school and high school and got the titles.

When I asked my friends (who all had boyfriends, by the way), they all huddled around me and gave their opinions. They said many things that did not make sense initially, but they agreed that the most probable reason was that I was an overachiever, and plenty of boys might get intimidated because of it.

Well, that sucks. I had many goals, and I intended to make each one come true sooner than later. The idea that boys get intimidated at once does not sit well in my mind. After all, I was not one of those typical popular girls who would strut around the school in their fancy heels and short skirts. I acted like an average person and wore regular clothes. If that was not enough for them, then that’s all right.

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Did I feel in despair after that realization? No. I hope it does not come out as snobbishness, but I don’t need easily intimidated boys in my life.

When I went to college, I eventually met a few great men who appreciated my achievements. My long-time boyfriend was a psychiatrist, while I became a licensed counselor, and we tied the knot last year. This should serve as proof that a girl’s single status does not always have to last forever, especially if you set your sights somewhere.

But It Remains A Problem For Many

Despite what I felt like my personal achievement when it came to relationships, many women continue to have a problem with relinquishing their single statuses. In truth, they hated being alone and would even go as far as seeking counseling to figure out why men could not like them.

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I just met a client with a similar situation before I wrote this blog. For confidentiality purposes, let’s merely call her Anna. So, Anna came from an elite family and graduated from an elite university. Yet, for a few years now, she managed to open a marketing firm, win equestrian competitions, stay as a legal counsel at her father’s empire, and give back to charity through organizing fundraisers or volunteering her time at orphanages.

When Anna walked into my office, she said, “I am genuinely embarrassed to come here because it does not feel like a real problem compared to what your other client may have been experiencing. However, my last relationship was in college, and that was five years ago. My friends would set me up for a blind date, and I would go, but the guys I would meet ended up being uninterested after a date or two. So, can you help me figure out what’s wrong with me?”

For fairness’s sake, I allowed Anna to share how she treats her dates. I did not find anything unusual because she did not flaunt her money or her family’s affluence. Still, the guys would eventually find out her social status, and that’s when they tend to detach from her.

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“Anna,” I started, “I would like you to know that the problem is not with you. It is not a crime to come from the kind of family that you have. It is not your fault that you work harder than most people, so you have more money than most people. The real issue here is the ego of the guys that you have met so far.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Let’s say that boys will always be boys. If they used to be intimidated by popular girls when they were younger, they might carry that attitude on to adulthood and affect their decision-making process. In your case, you may have met the likes of them, which is quite unfortunate. However, it does not mean that there are no real men out there who will not care about your social status and love you for who you are,” I explained.

“What should I do then?”

Here’s a tip for everyone: “Enjoy your life as a single woman. Go anywhere you want to go live how you want to live. There should be no need for you to change yourself to be more likable for the opposite sex. The right person will come – be patient.”

Signs You’re Dating An In-Denial Sex Addict According To Counselors

When I was in high school, I used to get teased a lot for having strict parents. After all, they were very vocal about saying that I was forbidden from having a boyfriend until I finished college. My mom or dad never let me ride the public bus either in fear of any boy trying to get close to me. They would rather wake up early to drive me to school instead of taking that chance.

While most kids I knew to have strict parents like mine were already being rebellious and having boyfriends left and right behind their parents’ backs, I did not share their sentiment. Of course, it seemed nice to have a boyfriend, especially when all your friends had one, but I shared my mother’s belief that my one true love would knock at my door one day, and I would not need to go through many guys to find him.

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Striking Gold

I was already in grad school when I met John. We shared a class during my last semester, and I thought he was cute In a dorky kind of way. I liked guys like him because he did not seem too worldly for me, and I assumed that we would hit it off immediately. I was technically done studying, so when he asked me out on a date, I said yes, even without asking for my parents’ permission.

My relationship with John developed pretty fast. By the time we both got our Master’s degrees, we were already planning to live in New York together as we built our careers. Living together before any marriage talks took place was against my original beliefs, but John always made it sound so rational and exciting. When I informed my parents about it, they were a little unhappy with my decision, but they trusted me enough to know what’s right for me.

Finding Out I Might Have Gotten A Bronze

I had known since the first time we slept together that my boyfriend John loved sex. He never forced me to do it with him, but there were instances when all our conversations would lead to intimate talks. It almost even turned me off before, but then he promised to stop doing that.

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The thing was, when we were already staying under the same roof, I saw his massive collection of adult movies. Although the actors and actresses were all of legal age, I found that a little odd. After all, we were already doing it three or four times a day, so why would he need to keep those movies?

When I asked John about it, he said that it was for “research purposes.” He claimed not to have a lot of sexual experience before we got together, so he wanted to get more ideas on what to do in bed from those movies. I accepted that reasoning for a while until I realized That he would always have one on whenever he had a chance. I even caught him watching porn while I was driving us back home from a grocery run.

I had to put my foot down at that point because it felt like I was dating a sex addict. Worse, he might be a porn addict. I talked to John about this again, and he started denying it like I saw things that were not there. That was our first major argument, and it did not feel good that it was because of sex.

John’s habits did not stop in the next couple of months, and I gave him an ultimatum. He could get counseling, or we could call it quits. He insisted that he did not want to break up with me, so John signed up for counseling, albeit half-heartedly.

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Getting Counseling

While John agreed to go to a counselor, I could see that he genuinely did not believe that he had if problem. He wanted me to be in the same room so that it would be more like couples counseling if it turned out he was not a sex addict in denial. I was cool with that. I would even say sorry if I were wrong, but it did not feel like I was wrong.

The counselor allowed John to speak first, and he talked about his habits in a watered-down manner. Meaning, from his point of view, it genuinely did not sound like a problem. 

When it was my turn, I told the counselor how John was always watching porn on his phone or laptop, even though we had sex multiple times a day.

John interjected, “What’s so wrong about liking it? I don’t say a word about you liking shoes or clothes.”

Before I could say something heated, the counselor took the floor. Her initial assessment mirrored mine — John was most likely a sex addict in denial. He started protesting about the idea again, but the counselor explained what a sex addict meant being.

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Sex addiction is not merely found in men or women who have a lot of one-night stands or pay people to have sex with them. Even if you are faithful to your girlfriend, but you refuse to let a day pass without having sexual intercourse or watching adult movies, that’s a sign of sexual addiction too. Now, the bigger problem is that you cannot accept that you are a sex addict, which can honestly ruin a relationship. After all, your partner can only do so much for you. If she sees that you’re lost cause, she may leave you.”

That seemed like a wake-up call for John. After that, he became more open to counseling, and after a month, he canceled his subscription to porn websites and deleted every adult movie that he saved on his phone, laptop, USB sticks, etc. 

We continued to do counseling, and I believed it helped our relationship to grow as well. Even when John moved past his sexual addiction, we would still see the counselor regularly just to make sure that it would never return.

Frequently Asked Questions About Depression And Genetics

I was diagnosed with depression in the 80s. Back then, many people who grew up in the foster care system like me had the same mental health condition (or worse), although the causes were always different. Some had been emotionally or sexually abused by their parents, foster parents, or other kids in the system. Others wanted to reunite with their family so much, so they ended up getting depressed after realizing that it was no longer possible due to their parents’ issues (typically with substance abuse, unemployment, or criminal activities).

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In my case, I lost hope in getting adopted. I was already 14 years old at the time, you see. Even around that time, the couples wishing to adopt foster children wanted babies or toddlers. That way, they had no recollection of their biological family or would try to look for them. I was lucky that I had never been sexually abused by any of my foster families in the past, but no one chose me to be their foster kid since I was 11 years old. While most of the other children would receive gifts from their foster families, I would get a stuffed toy from the foster home administrators.

However, I got the surprise of my life when my biological father visited me one day. I never knew him before; my mother used to tell me that he was already dead. But it turned out that she merely hid me from him out of spite, and he found out about me because one of the foster home sponsors happened to be his friend. What a small world, right?

Long story short, my biological father adopted me, gave me a wonderful home, sent me to the best school, and gave me everything I could ever ask for and more.

Having A Kid With Similar Issues

I went on to have a happy life. I met an incredible man in college, and we eventually got married. When I had Mary, our firstborn, I felt like my life was already complete. I had a stable job, while my husband’s business was already successful, so I knew that Mary would grow up with all the luxury in the world, unlike me.

When Mary became a teenager, though, I noticed a behavioral shift in her. She said no to everything, including eating or sleeping on time. Because of that, she grew thin and was always late for school. I asked Mary what’s wrong, but she would not say a thing. I thought back to the last few months, but I could not think of anything that could upset Mary this bad. Thus, it made me wonder if I somehow passed my depression to her.

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How do genetics play a role in depression? 

Research reveals that depression can be passed down to the children of individuals who have been diagnosed with this mental disorder.

Can mental health be genetic? 

According to scientists, there is a 40% chance of a mental disorder being caused by genetics. 

What are the four major causes of depression? 

  • Genetics
  • Traumatic situations
  • Abuse
  • Other illnesses

Does depression count as a disability? 

Yes, depression counts as a disability.

Does depression give you memory loss? 

Depression may give you memory loss, given that it reduces the gray matter in the brain and makes it age faster than usual.

How does depression affect intelligence? 

Depression affects intelligence by hampering your brain’s executive functions. Thus, instead of thinking simply and fixing your problems, you feel like that is not possible at all.

Does depression cause Alzheimer’s? 

It does not always happen, but depression can cause Alzheimer’s disease. The reason is that mental disorder brings forth cognitive decline. The worse it gets, the faster your brain function decreases.

Do pharmacists recommend Prevagen? 

Yes, pharmacists genuinely recommend Prevagen as a memory-boosting drug.

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What is the best supplement for the brain? 

Fish oil is one of the best supplements for the brain. It contains omega-3 fatty acids, among others, which are known to improve memory and thinking skills.

What improves memory? 

  • Consume less sugary foods and beverages. According to studies, people who eat more sweets than usual have reduced brain volume and poor memory.
  • Supplement your diet with fish oil. DH and EPA are two omega-3 fatty acids that reduce body inflammation, which possibly promotes cognitive decline.
  • Relax and meditate as often as possible. Doing so expands your brain’s gray matter, which also boosts your memory.
  • Make sure that you don’t become obese. Obesity is strongly linked to Alzheimer’s – a disease that worsens your memory progressively.
  • Try to get enough sleep so that your cognitive function will not suffer. The idea is that sleeping at night is always much better than sleeping during the day.
  • Avoid getting drunk all the time. Alcohol is practically toxic for the brain, so it affects your cognitive function negatively.

How do I know if I’m getting dementia? 

  • You are losing your memory more and more.
  • You find it challenging to focus on simple tasks.
  • You get confused about activities that you have always done your entire life.
  • You feel frustrated when you keep forgetting things and become irritable.

What are the seven stages of dementia? 

  • No Impairment: There are no cognitive issues at this point yet.
  • Very Mild Decline: They forget where they have placed various items at home.
  • Mild Decline: The individual cannot remember acquaintances’ names or converse without finding the right words.
  • Moderate Decline: They experience mild memory loss, to the extent that they cannot do basic math or remember their life history.
  • Moderately Severe Decline: The person often feels confused and forgets even their personal details.
  • Severe Decline: They hardly know their loved ones or themselves.
  • Very Severe Decline: It typically occurs when the individual is close to death. They can no longer talk coherently or even remember to chew their food.
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Does stress cause dementia?

Yes, stress causes dementia, among other mental disorders.

Final Thoughts

Accepting that your child has depression is not a walk in the park, especially when you have assumed that their life will be much different from yours. When we brought Mary to a child psychologist, we found out that she felt depressed because kids bullied her. When I asked the mental health professional if it could be because of genetics, she said it was possible, but it was tough to prove that. Regardless of the cause of depression, though, what mattered was making Mary feel loved and wanted so that her sense of self would improve, and the bullies wouldn’t affect her so much in the long run.

3 Distractions To Try Amid A Pandemic

The mere idea of experiencing a pandemic used to be enough to make people with anxiety cringe in their seats. Now that it is genuinely happening due to COVID-19, being fearful can do nothing but make your life worse than it should be. 

I cannot suggest a cure for anxiety, but I can talk about three likely sources of distraction that may give you peace of mind.

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Cooking

Whether you are an omnivore or a vegan, you need food to survive on this planet. If I am honest, you should be eating now more than ever to fill your body with essential nutrients and avoid relying on synthetic vitamins too much. Thus, the first distraction that you should try is cooking.

I know that many people see cooking as one of their weaknesses. Others are too busy with work, so they say, “I’d rather eat takeouts daily than prepare my meals.” However, considering you are not a frontline worker, you may not have much to do at home, so you can learn how to cook.

Honing your cooking skills should not be too challenging, especially if you start with the basics. For instance, you may try frying eggs and bacon. Then, look up simple recipes for soup, stew, or any dish that you love. Even if it does not taste good at first, you can keep on practicing until you perfect it.

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Landscaping

It is common for hardworking individuals to hire a landscaper to make their gardens as gorgeous as possible. They spend hundreds or thousands of dollars for it, even though they may not know half of the plants there. As long as it is better than their neighbor’s, it’s okay.

While you may have done the same thing over the years, landscaping is among the best distractions that you can ever try. It is time-consuming to cultivate the soil and grow new plants; you may need to watch countless YouTube videos about lawnmowing or creating garden fixtures, too. Not to mention, you will be working under the sun for hours and sweating buckets. It won’t be pretty, but you won’t be able to think of the pandemic, so you should give it a shot anyway. 

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Woodworking

Woodworking is not a typical hobby for most people. Like landscaping, it does not offer glamour or luxury because you will be working with power tools. You may also get covered with wood dust and risk nicking your skin with the blade or hammering your finger accidentally. However, you may find this activity distracting enough to keep your mind off of current events.

If you can’t picture out what I mean yet, imagine how much work is required to build and install kitchen cabinets. First, you need to look for the best type of wood that will not expand when water touches it. Aside from that, you must measure every piece correctly and ensure that all the cabinets are not too wide for the kitchen wall. Even when the boards are ready, it takes a while to put everything together and screw them into place. Hence, this woodworking project may keep you busy for at least a week or so before needing to look for another source of distraction.

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Final Thoughts

If you have not noticed it yet, I have recommended activities that are time-consuming yet rewarding. When you cook something well, and your loved ones enjoy it, you feel happy. When your garden looks like a professional landscaper has been there, you can take pride in your work. And when you build a wooden fixture for your home, it can be a conversational piece that will make your guests appreciate you more.

Trying any of the distractions mentioned above will put you in a win-win situation, so choose one that you can do immediately. Good luck!

7 Factors That Affect Orgasms In Women (Online Therapy Can Help)

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According to studies, women are more likely not to experience orgasm during sexual intercourse. This condition is not considered an abnormality since women have different body compositions compared to men, who tend to be very sexual.

 

Here are some factors that can affect orgasm in women.

 

Critical Thought Toward One’s Body

 

Women have this tendency to be too demanding of themselves – their body image in particular.  Social norms and even how parents raise their daughters may have influenced this. We always find something wrong with our bodies, which can make way for insecurities and issues in self-confidence. And this doesn’t help in achieving maximum sexual pleasure during the intercourse.

 

Seeing Sex As Something Morally Wrong

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Most of the time, women exposed to distorted perceptions about sex can impact their views on sex. In fact, this can be taken from the community where she grew up and from her parents. Sex, especially for more conservative people, is considered dirty and a sin which can affect a woman’s view. The tendency is, sex has become an obligation to fulfill for their husbands’ desires instead of an act of self-pleasure and joy.

 

Guilt Over Severing The Connection With A Mother Who Was Sexually Repressed

 

A woman, no matter how old they become, is always a mother’s little girl. In fact, from physical features to philosophies in life, a daughter usually takes after her mother. So if the mother has a negative attitude towards sex, the child adopts it and suppresses herself from enjoying it to the fullest.

 

Fear Of Awaking Hidden Sadness

 

Women who experience emotional pain during their childhood will have higher chances of not enjoying intimacy during sex. Women who suffer from such in their past cut any emotional attachments in time of the intercourse disallowing them to experience the fullest essence of sex.

 

Fear Of Vulnerability

 

Emotional pain due to a broken intimate relationship can hold a woman from experiencing the joy brought by sex. Because of that experience, women tend to withdraw, avoid and even refuse emotional attachments with other individuals. And since sex has to do with emotions, women with this problem cannot break through the wall they built themselves, disabling them to experience climax during sex.

 

Fear Of Remembering Memories of Abuse And Trauma

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Women who experienced abuse and trauma in the past have very slim chances of experiencing orgasm during intercourse. Being in contact with another person may open or bring in old memories of the abuse which will make the woman utterly uncomfortable during the whole intercourse. Situations like these will prevent her from experiencing the pleasures sex can bring.

 

Fear Of Lack of Control

 

Women who are always in control or command usually experience difficulties regarding intimacy. They have this notion that once they gave in to the affection bought in by sex, they would lose control of themselves, refraining them from experiencing the maximum level of sexual pleasure.

 

These are just some of the many factors that can hinder women from experiencing the ultimate pleasure of sex. However, these can be overcome with the help of their respective partners or by getting professional help.

 

Don’t worry about therapists or counselors. They are professional people who will help you address these problems. You can even try online therapy for anonymity if traditional counseling makes you uncomfortable. Eventually, with treatment, you will get over these factors that affect your carnal pleasures.

Increase Your Confidence Through Counseling

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We’ve all heard the saying before “be comfortable in your own skin” and this seems to be something we all aspire to, but what does it actually mean? Generally, this refers to having high self-esteem. Confidence can be communicated to others through our body language, what we do and how we talk to other people. If you have low self-esteem, then it can impact all of these things which in turn can have a negative impact on our lives. If someone is experiencing low self-esteem, they might feel as though they “can’t do anything right”, struggle to find the motivation to do things, feel inferior to others, are shy and reluctant to start conversations or have a hard time starting and maintaining relationships.

Continue reading “Increase Your Confidence Through Counseling”

Mood Stabilizers For People With Bipolar Disorder (Supplement It With Psychiatry Sessions)

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“Bipolar disorder suffers from this history of being seen as an über-biologically driven disorder, with the assumption likewise that the treatment has to be biologically driven,” says Boston University psychologist Michael Otto, PhD, who specializes in the treatment of mood disorders. “It’s time we undo that history.”

Below are mood stabilizers which are found to be very useful in maintaining the remission and stabilizing the symptoms of bipolar disorder:

 

Lithium

Lithium is used to “calm down” people with bipolar disorder. This drug takes effect around 10 to 14 days and eventually, the manic symptoms would subside. For the indications to diminish totally, it will take six weeks to see the results.

 

As for its efficiency, around 50 percent of the patients who opted to take a Lithium-based drug has significantly improved during manic and depressive episodes. The other half have adjusted as well, but they also had to drink other medications. Lithium was first used in the United States to combat the tiring indicators of bipolar disorder.

 

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“The first line of intervention for bipolar disorder is medication,” says Simon Rego, PsyD, chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center and associate professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City. So for people taking lithium, they have to visit their doctor to do a blood check regularly. It’s for safety reasons, just to see that there is nothing wrong with your body while on the drug. This check-up is also very important to monitor the kidneys and other renal organs. The medication may have an effect on the said organs.

 

Valproate or Valproic (Depakote)

This medication is for people suffering from depression, mental retardation, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress. Valproate or Valproic usually takes seven to fourteen days before it affects the person’s system. The US Food and Drug Administration approved the distribution and use of this medication. In fact, it was highly recommended as the cure for mania disorder and issues.

 

Carbamazepine (Tegretol)

Carbamazepine doesn’t have FDA approval, but medical professionals and mental health experts have been prescribing it to patients with bipolar conditions. This recommendation was backed up by extensive research and studies. It is found to be very active since a minimum of 43% up to a maximum of 63% of the people who took it gets relieved from severe symptoms. However, this would also depend on the severity of the person’s disorder.

 

Gabapentin (Neurontin)

Gabapentin is a helpful medication for those with seizures. However, it is not applicable to people with mania problems. There are personal statements which claim that Gabapentin will NOT work on those with substantial bipolar issues. Users and medical experts say that use of the said medication is quite disappointing. However, it was adequate for less severe bipolar cases. This drug is best for adults, but not for children.

 

Topiramate

This medication is best as an anti-seizure drug. It helps prevent epileptic attacks, migraines and other similar indications. It can also be used to treat bipolar disorder. The most evident effect of the said medicine aside from treating seizures are weight loss and improved psychosocial health.

 

Oxcarbazepine

Oxcarbazepine is good for bipolar disorder. It is perceived to be a possible anti-manic substance, but more research and studies on the medicine are required. This medication may not have a positive result if there is another drug taken with it. Another good thing about Oxcarbazepine is that it has no significant impact on a person’s white blood cells and liver.

 

Lamotrigine (Lamictal)

Lamictal, as a treatment for conditions like epilepsy, works wonders. Though the said drug has no FDA approval as a treatment for manic and depression issues, still it was found to be very useful for people with bipolar disorder. Studies on its efficiency are still ongoing at the moment.

 

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“The holidays can be very hard for people with bipolar disorder,” says Raymond L. Crowel, PsyD, vice president for mental health and substance abuse services at the National Mental Health Association. While the drugs are highly suggested by medical experts, those who pursue the natural way of treatment (and if possible without drugs) push the psychiatry care approach. People with bipolar disorder can very well cope and improve through psychotherapy. Use it to assist intake of these drugs to speed up the healing process.

When You Don’t Know What To Do In Life, Just Wait (And Find Comfort In Therapy)

 

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I don’t know what to do with my life. It’s not a unique thing. Almost all adults say that to themselves at least once in their lifetime. It doesn’t make you less of a person if you don’t know what to do at an exact moment. You have the opportunity to think, reflect, embrace the idea, move on, and take action. That’s the course. But when it comes to a point when you just can’t seem to reach a valid decision, then, just wait.

 

What Do You Do When You Don’t Know What To Do?

“But even when problems aren’t severe, therapy can help the child and family
learn new coping skills and different strategies for handling problems,” says
psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. “We need to destigmatize the idea of mental
health treatment.”

Other people reach out to their parents, siblings and loved ones for encouragement, support, and reliable advice. I know I did. When my husband left me, I didn’t know what to do with my life. We’ve been together since we were 14 years old and we got married at twenty. My world was always about him and our child. After 16 years of being together, he divorced me and left me for a younger man. Yes, I said “man,” and you read it right. He was gay, and I had to let him go. “Full and meaningful divorce resolution requires that the parties actively work on accepting the emotional divorce.” Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D. said.

 

Bits of Advice From Loved Ones

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My mother told me to take all the time that I need and process myself. That was her advice. My godmother said that it would be helpful to stick to a routine, even if I weren’t up for it, I just had to move and do chores or errands every day. I followed her suggestion, and frankly, it kept me going for months when I felt like a robot in zombie mode.

 

Father didn’t say much, and I know that he is so disappointed in my husband. You can hear him utter – He should have been honest with you from the start. Well, he wasn’t, and I was in that tight position.

 

Months after the divorce declaration, the “routine” was helping out. The “processing of self” moved at least one centimeter, and my dad mellowed down a bit. They were telling me that I have to go out more and meet new people to be “alive” again. What for and why? Was I dead? I found their comments funny, and it was during those talks with my loved ones that I’d laugh at their observation on me.

 

A Quote That Changed My Perspective

One time, I stumbled upon a quote that I read on the internet. It said:

 

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

 

― Mandy Hale

 

She said, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Of course! I was with my husband for a very long time, and I didn’t see his sexuality. Anything is truly possible! Now, if my husband found his “possible” in life and was courageous enough to tell me after 16 years, then, I should be able to do it too.

 

Mom was right. I need to process myself. It’s not expected of me to move on in a snap or to find an answer for my problems immediately. I can wait and embrace uncertainty. Mandy Hale said anything is possible for me at this point.

 

My Life, My Move

 

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And so I did what any typical (and lost) person would do. I reached out to a divorce therapist and a life coach. Oh, I tell you it’s not easy. This life is not comfortable at all. But I am thriving, and I am slowly grasping the ropes flung to me.

“Good therapists always know the limits of their expertise,” said Deborah Serani, Psy.D, 

I can do it. My heart and mind will surpass this. I know I will.

Therapy Can’t Do Anything For Your Anxiety? Here Are Some Tips To Try

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An individual who has never had a mental health scare will not know what it’s like to live with anxiety. There is something you always can’t help but fear, such as standing in the middle of a large crowd, being the topic of gossip everywhere you go, or even getting kidnapped as soon as you step out of your house. If only the giant bubble where Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in Bubble Boy lived in has gone on the market, the people with this disorder may be the first ones to order them to ensure their safety.

According to clinical psychologist Danielle Forshee, Psy.D, “those who worry — meaning everybody — can control the intensity and duration of their worry thoughts.” Since the latter is not a thing in the real world yet, however, anxiety-ridden folks try various forms of therapy instead. Among the most popular treatments is psychotherapy in which the individual goes on a one-on-one session, learning how to face and cope with their problems. Another useful technique is hypnosis, which allows the therapist to help their client at a subconscious level.

The thing is, signing up for the most expensive or talked-about therapy cannot guarantee that it will work for you. Some people manage to feel better after trying one form; others have been searching for the best treatment for themselves up to this day.

In case you are one of those folks whose faith on therapy is hanging by a thread, you should try the following tips.

Choose To Get Better

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The problem with some distressed people is that they say they want to get out of their anxious state. For instance, they may say, “Tomorrow, I will face my fears.” However, when the moment comes, they do not do anything to make it happen. You need to choose to get better to be able to do the right things. Otherwise, your situation will not improve.

Try Breathing Exercises

You can always try to control your anxiety by trying a simple breathing technique. Inhale and exhale deeply, for example, or count in your mind from 1 to 10. The goal here is for you to calm your nerves and detach yourself from the things that many you worry too much.

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Curb Your Need For Perfection

“We want to understand not only how emotions can help us but also how they can create difficulties if they’re of the wrong intensity or the wrong type for a particular situation,” says Dr. James Gross, a clinical psychologist. A lot of individuals with anxiety deal with depression as well because they set the bar too high for themselves all the time. They say, “This person did that, so I need to better.” Because of that, if things don’t go as planned, it’s too hard for them to experience a defeat.

What you should remember is to allow yourself to be less than perfect from now on, and then you will never feel sorrowful again.

Keep On Saying “I Can Do It”

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Even if I do not have an anxiety disorder, I stare at myself in the mirror every morning and chant, “I can do it.” Self-affirmation is a reliable and useful tool to feel better, you guys. It can change your perspective in life, as well as how you view yourself. You may not believe that you can genuinely do something at first. However, the more you say those words, the more they will become your reality.

 

“In the lives of those experiencing anxiety, anxiety has almost always served a purpose as a survival function at some point, ” says Karin Draper, LMFT. The tips mentioned above may sound too simple to be true. Still, it won’t hurt to try them, especially if you have done all the other, more conventional techniques.

Good luck!

How To Get Rid Of Depression Your Way

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Living with depression can undoubtedly be not too easy, especially if everyone knows that you have this mental disorder. This is when you walk into the room, and everyone stops talking to stare at you with pity. Once someone talks to you, it is as if they are trying to choose their words extra carefully because they don’t want to offend you or depress you even more.

In hindsight, you know that the people around you mean well. The truth is, they may even wish to help you get better. It just so happens that you may be the only one with depression in your circle; that’s why they have no idea how to act naturally. According to Simon Rego, PsyD, chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center, “It seems obvious that experiencing a depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, would be required for someone to be diagnosed. But some people who are diagnosed with depression do not report feeling depressed, sad or low, but rather, they report experiencing significantly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. Either one, or both together, can be present when considering a diagnosis of depression.”

In case you don’t want your loved ones to walk on eggshells anymore because of you, though, you can try to get rid of depression using these simple techniques.

Overcome What Makes You Sad

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The first thing that you need to do is to face the things or people who bother you. You can’t genuinely pull yourself out of your misery when there is always a reminder of events that made you sad initially. It will be like putting salts on your wound; no matter how many months have passed, it’s still fresh. I know that’s not what you want, so focus on removing the troublesome for you to get better.

Live A Simple Life

There are times when our lives become so fast-paced, and we are often in a rush. Therefore, when it comes to a sudden holt, we fall into depression because we don’t know what to do with it since we’re not used to it. “Being depressed often makes us anxious, and anxiety often makes us depressed,” says therapist Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD. My advice at this point is to live each day brighter and purer than ever. That’s the only way for you not to have a hard time when the wheel of life turns again, and things don’t go as planned.

Reconnect With Your Dreams

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Do you have goals that you had to sacrifice to get where you are? Have you ever thought of reconnecting with your old dreams that you had to push at the back of your mind when you had a boyfriend or girlfriend or got too immersed in your current work? Try not to wait for another lifetime before you chase after them again. Perhaps this is just what you need to do to get yourself out of your depression.

Nourish your Spiritual Self

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When you’re in distress, you can always talk to God. From what I understand, there is a version of God in every religion. Aside from Jesus Christ, you can speak to Allah, Buddha, Krishna, and all the other heavenly beings you know. All I want to say is that you must nourish your spiritual self because you may become too consumed by all the material things that you have, and God wants to get your attention because you may be forgetting Him already. You can value the corporeal stuff that you’ve worked hard for, but don’t forget to cultivate your spirituality. “Mindfulness meditation practices are effective interventions, and sometimes for mild to moderate conditions—depression and anxiety—super-effective as front lines,” says Saundra Jain, MA, PsyD, LPC.

Final Thoughts

Getting rid of depression in one go is practically impossible. It is like a thick-walled prison that isolates you from everyone you love. Still, you can work hard to chip away at it until you see a small opening to free yourself from it.

Good luck!