When I was a kid, I had been told that I had it all. I had a loving family that provided all my needs and more. I got terrific grades all the time to the extent that some companies would go to school and offer scholarships to me. More importantly, I had a lot of friends real friends who never talked behind my back and remained loyal for years.
However, the problem I experienced started with the sentence “you can’t have it all.” I heard it from some kids before, but they were about another person. They were like, “You need to let go because you can’t have it all.” Even though they were not talking to me, I was mildly bothered by that statement because I had almost everything that anyone could ever want. So, what can’t I have?
As it turned out, I could not have a boyfriend. It was not because my parents were very strict or because I was unattractive. Heck, I even participated in beauty pageants in middle school and high school and got the titles.
When I asked my friends (who all had boyfriends, by the way), they all huddled around me and gave their opinions. They said many things that did not make sense initially, but they agreed that the most probable reason was that I was an overachiever, and plenty of boys might get intimidated because of it.
Well, that sucks. I had many goals, and I intended to make each one come true sooner than later. The idea that boys get intimidated at once does not sit well in my mind. After all, I was not one of those typical popular girls who would strut around the school in their fancy heels and short skirts. I acted like an average person and wore regular clothes. If that was not enough for them, then that’s all right.
Did I feel in despair after that realization? No. I hope it does not come out as snobbishness, but I don’t need easily intimidated boys in my life.
When I went to college, I eventually met a few great men who appreciated my achievements. My long-time boyfriend was a psychiatrist, while I became a licensed counselor, and we tied the knot last year. This should serve as proof that a girl’s single status does not always have to last forever, especially if you set your sights somewhere.
But It Remains A Problem For Many
Despite what I felt like my personal achievement when it came to relationships, many women continue to have a problem with relinquishing their single statuses. In truth, they hated being alone and would even go as far as seeking counseling to figure out why men could not like them.
I just met a client with a similar situation before I wrote this blog. For confidentiality purposes, let’s merely call her Anna. So, Anna came from an elite family and graduated from an elite university. Yet, for a few years now, she managed to open a marketing firm, win equestrian competitions, stay as a legal counsel at her father’s empire, and give back to charity through organizing fundraisers or volunteering her time at orphanages.
When Anna walked into my office, she said, “I am genuinely embarrassed to come here because it does not feel like a real problem compared to what your other client may have been experiencing. However, my last relationship was in college, and that was five years ago. My friends would set me up for a blind date, and I would go, but the guys I would meet ended up being uninterested after a date or two. So, can you help me figure out what’s wrong with me?”
For fairness’s sake, I allowed Anna to share how she treats her dates. I did not find anything unusual because she did not flaunt her money or her family’s affluence. Still, the guys would eventually find out her social status, and that’s when they tend to detach from her.
“Anna,” I started, “I would like you to know that the problem is not with you. It is not a crime to come from the kind of family that you have. It is not your fault that you work harder than most people, so you have more money than most people. The real issue here is the ego of the guys that you have met so far.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Let’s say that boys will always be boys. If they used to be intimidated by popular girls when they were younger, they might carry that attitude on to adulthood and affect their decision-making process. In your case, you may have met the likes of them, which is quite unfortunate. However, it does not mean that there are no real men out there who will not care about your social status and love you for who you are,” I explained.
“What should I do then?”
Here’s a tip for everyone: “Enjoy your life as a single woman. Go anywhere you want to go live how you want to live. There should be no need for you to change yourself to be more likable for the opposite sex. The right person will come – be patient.”