When You Don’t Know What To Do In Life, Just Wait (And Find Comfort In Therapy)

 

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I don’t know what to do with my life. It’s not a unique thing. Almost all adults say that to themselves at least once in their lifetime. It doesn’t make you less of a person if you don’t know what to do at an exact moment. You have the opportunity to think, reflect, embrace the idea, move on, and take action. That’s the course. But when it comes to a point when you just can’t seem to reach a valid decision, then, just wait.

 

What Do You Do When You Don’t Know What To Do?

“But even when problems aren’t severe, therapy can help the child and family
learn new coping skills and different strategies for handling problems,” says
psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. “We need to destigmatize the idea of mental
health treatment.”

Other people reach out to their parents, siblings and loved ones for encouragement, support, and reliable advice. I know I did. When my husband left me, I didn’t know what to do with my life. We’ve been together since we were 14 years old and we got married at twenty. My world was always about him and our child. After 16 years of being together, he divorced me and left me for a younger man. Yes, I said “man,” and you read it right. He was gay, and I had to let him go. “Full and meaningful divorce resolution requires that the parties actively work on accepting the emotional divorce.” Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D. said.

 

Bits of Advice From Loved Ones

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My mother told me to take all the time that I need and process myself. That was her advice. My godmother said that it would be helpful to stick to a routine, even if I weren’t up for it, I just had to move and do chores or errands every day. I followed her suggestion, and frankly, it kept me going for months when I felt like a robot in zombie mode.

 

Father didn’t say much, and I know that he is so disappointed in my husband. You can hear him utter – He should have been honest with you from the start. Well, he wasn’t, and I was in that tight position.

 

Months after the divorce declaration, the “routine” was helping out. The “processing of self” moved at least one centimeter, and my dad mellowed down a bit. They were telling me that I have to go out more and meet new people to be “alive” again. What for and why? Was I dead? I found their comments funny, and it was during those talks with my loved ones that I’d laugh at their observation on me.

 

A Quote That Changed My Perspective

One time, I stumbled upon a quote that I read on the internet. It said:

 

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

 

― Mandy Hale

 

She said, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Of course! I was with my husband for a very long time, and I didn’t see his sexuality. Anything is truly possible! Now, if my husband found his “possible” in life and was courageous enough to tell me after 16 years, then, I should be able to do it too.

 

Mom was right. I need to process myself. It’s not expected of me to move on in a snap or to find an answer for my problems immediately. I can wait and embrace uncertainty. Mandy Hale said anything is possible for me at this point.

 

My Life, My Move

 

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And so I did what any typical (and lost) person would do. I reached out to a divorce therapist and a life coach. Oh, I tell you it’s not easy. This life is not comfortable at all. But I am thriving, and I am slowly grasping the ropes flung to me.

“Good therapists always know the limits of their expertise,” said Deborah Serani, Psy.D, 

I can do it. My heart and mind will surpass this. I know I will.

Additional 6 Signs That You Might Not Be So Good In Bed (Opt For Online Therapy To Feel Better About Yourself)

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My inspiration for this writeup is my best friend. She’s the one talking about her experience with her husband on the first part of this writeup. (For those who haven’t read the first part, I suggest that you go there first before reading this one. This is the concluding article, and it would be helpful for you to read that before you enjoy this one.) I remember her telling me over the phone. She was crying her heart out, and I couldn’t seem to understand her words, “My husband left me. He said I’m not good in bed, and that he hates me! We’re getting a divorce.”

Continue reading “Additional 6 Signs That You Might Not Be So Good In Bed (Opt For Online Therapy To Feel Better About Yourself)”

My Child Is Always Angry – What Should I Do?

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My little sister’s best friend, Judy, is always so sweet to her. She likes to eat lunch with her and gets her various gifts every year she celebrates her birthday. In truth, when my sister got sick and did not manage to school, her best friend would come to our house to let my little sis copy her notes and so that they could do their homework together.

“Anger reactions in some children are quite frequent and troubling to parents and teachers who witness them.” Says David Gottlieb, Ph.D., in clinical psychology at Northwestern University

For this reason, it genuinely shocked me when I heard that Judy’s behavior when we are around is the opposite of how she treats her parents. I witnessed an example of that one time when my mom was too busy to drive my sister’s best friend back to their house. She was still so lovely when it’s only the two of us in the car, telling stories about her projects at school and whatnot. However, when Judy saw her mom in front of their gate, her facial expression turned sour. The girl bid me a quick goodbye, got out of the car, and pushed past her mother without as much as a hello.

Before I could pull out of their street, I heard the girl’s mother say in a loud voice, “You are extremely rude again, Judy. If you keep that up, you’ll be grounded this weekend.”

“Oh yeah? You can try!” Judy yelled back.

The last words I caught from the girl’s mom was, “Why are you always so angry at me?!”

In case you have your version of Judy at home, and you don’t know how to deal with them without pushing them farther away from you, here’s what you should do.

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Source: pixabay.com

1. Know The Kid’s Wants

The first thing you may try is to figure out the things they want. Kids are usually the same, in the sense that they feel an instant connection towards the people who grant their wishes. In my sister’s best friend’s case, for instance, a part of the reason why she goes to our house is that we have an Xbox with her favorite game on it. You may look for another material object that your child likes and surprise them with it.

2. Find Out What The Kid Needs

“Children who come in for counseling and children of divorce frequently express anger inappropriately because they do not know how to express their emotions safely,” says Richard L. Ward, LPC, LMFT. Parents often tell their children to separate their wants from their needs, but they often talk about tangible items alone. Say, “Do you truly need that lesson now, or do you only want to try it?”

The reality is that kids can require intangible things as well, which only their moms and dads can provide. E.g., attention, love, and time. After all, busy parents tend to neglect such needs because they assume that the children will be happy if they can buy anything they want. So, at this point, find out the non-material stuff that your kid needs.

3. Lengthen Your Patience

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Another thing you can do is to avoid butting heads with your child. Understandably, you want to show them who’s the boss in the house, but you can’t do it by shouting. That will merely make the kids dislike you even more, which is something that you undoubtedly do not wish to do.

There’s nothing you can do but lengthen your patience and look for other – calmer – ways to discipline your angry kid.

 

If all else fails, perhaps you have to sign up for family counseling so that you can resolve your issues in a safe space. According to Jasmin Jourdenais LMFT, “The outbursts are becoming not only more frequent but maybe also scary.” Whatever you do, though, don’t give up on your child. They may not be saying it out loud, but they still need you now more than ever.

 

Therapy Can’t Do Anything For Your Anxiety? Here Are Some Tips To Try

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An individual who has never had a mental health scare will not know what it’s like to live with anxiety. There is something you always can’t help but fear, such as standing in the middle of a large crowd, being the topic of gossip everywhere you go, or even getting kidnapped as soon as you step out of your house. If only the giant bubble where Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in Bubble Boy lived in has gone on the market, the people with this disorder may be the first ones to order them to ensure their safety.

According to clinical psychologist Danielle Forshee, Psy.D, “those who worry — meaning everybody — can control the intensity and duration of their worry thoughts.” Since the latter is not a thing in the real world yet, however, anxiety-ridden folks try various forms of therapy instead. Among the most popular treatments is psychotherapy in which the individual goes on a one-on-one session, learning how to face and cope with their problems. Another useful technique is hypnosis, which allows the therapist to help their client at a subconscious level.

The thing is, signing up for the most expensive or talked-about therapy cannot guarantee that it will work for you. Some people manage to feel better after trying one form; others have been searching for the best treatment for themselves up to this day.

In case you are one of those folks whose faith on therapy is hanging by a thread, you should try the following tips.

Choose To Get Better

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The problem with some distressed people is that they say they want to get out of their anxious state. For instance, they may say, “Tomorrow, I will face my fears.” However, when the moment comes, they do not do anything to make it happen. You need to choose to get better to be able to do the right things. Otherwise, your situation will not improve.

Try Breathing Exercises

You can always try to control your anxiety by trying a simple breathing technique. Inhale and exhale deeply, for example, or count in your mind from 1 to 10. The goal here is for you to calm your nerves and detach yourself from the things that many you worry too much.

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Curb Your Need For Perfection

“We want to understand not only how emotions can help us but also how they can create difficulties if they’re of the wrong intensity or the wrong type for a particular situation,” says Dr. James Gross, a clinical psychologist. A lot of individuals with anxiety deal with depression as well because they set the bar too high for themselves all the time. They say, “This person did that, so I need to better.” Because of that, if things don’t go as planned, it’s too hard for them to experience a defeat.

What you should remember is to allow yourself to be less than perfect from now on, and then you will never feel sorrowful again.

Keep On Saying “I Can Do It”

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Even if I do not have an anxiety disorder, I stare at myself in the mirror every morning and chant, “I can do it.” Self-affirmation is a reliable and useful tool to feel better, you guys. It can change your perspective in life, as well as how you view yourself. You may not believe that you can genuinely do something at first. However, the more you say those words, the more they will become your reality.

 

“In the lives of those experiencing anxiety, anxiety has almost always served a purpose as a survival function at some point, ” says Karin Draper, LMFT. The tips mentioned above may sound too simple to be true. Still, it won’t hurt to try them, especially if you have done all the other, more conventional techniques.

Good luck!

How To Get Rid Of Depression Your Way

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Living with depression can undoubtedly be not too easy, especially if everyone knows that you have this mental disorder. This is when you walk into the room, and everyone stops talking to stare at you with pity. Once someone talks to you, it is as if they are trying to choose their words extra carefully because they don’t want to offend you or depress you even more.

In hindsight, you know that the people around you mean well. The truth is, they may even wish to help you get better. It just so happens that you may be the only one with depression in your circle; that’s why they have no idea how to act naturally. According to Simon Rego, PsyD, chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center, “It seems obvious that experiencing a depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, would be required for someone to be diagnosed. But some people who are diagnosed with depression do not report feeling depressed, sad or low, but rather, they report experiencing significantly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. Either one, or both together, can be present when considering a diagnosis of depression.”

In case you don’t want your loved ones to walk on eggshells anymore because of you, though, you can try to get rid of depression using these simple techniques.

Overcome What Makes You Sad

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The first thing that you need to do is to face the things or people who bother you. You can’t genuinely pull yourself out of your misery when there is always a reminder of events that made you sad initially. It will be like putting salts on your wound; no matter how many months have passed, it’s still fresh. I know that’s not what you want, so focus on removing the troublesome for you to get better.

Live A Simple Life

There are times when our lives become so fast-paced, and we are often in a rush. Therefore, when it comes to a sudden holt, we fall into depression because we don’t know what to do with it since we’re not used to it. “Being depressed often makes us anxious, and anxiety often makes us depressed,” says therapist Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD. My advice at this point is to live each day brighter and purer than ever. That’s the only way for you not to have a hard time when the wheel of life turns again, and things don’t go as planned.

Reconnect With Your Dreams

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Do you have goals that you had to sacrifice to get where you are? Have you ever thought of reconnecting with your old dreams that you had to push at the back of your mind when you had a boyfriend or girlfriend or got too immersed in your current work? Try not to wait for another lifetime before you chase after them again. Perhaps this is just what you need to do to get yourself out of your depression.

Nourish your Spiritual Self

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When you’re in distress, you can always talk to God. From what I understand, there is a version of God in every religion. Aside from Jesus Christ, you can speak to Allah, Buddha, Krishna, and all the other heavenly beings you know. All I want to say is that you must nourish your spiritual self because you may become too consumed by all the material things that you have, and God wants to get your attention because you may be forgetting Him already. You can value the corporeal stuff that you’ve worked hard for, but don’t forget to cultivate your spirituality. “Mindfulness meditation practices are effective interventions, and sometimes for mild to moderate conditions—depression and anxiety—super-effective as front lines,” says Saundra Jain, MA, PsyD, LPC.

Final Thoughts

Getting rid of depression in one go is practically impossible. It is like a thick-walled prison that isolates you from everyone you love. Still, you can work hard to chip away at it until you see a small opening to free yourself from it.

Good luck!

Ways To Ensure Your Long-Distance Relationship Will Have A Happy Ending

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My now-husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for a solid three years. He was in the military and had to go to another country to fulfill his duties. We could get married before his deployment so that I could live with him. However, I was only in my second year in the university back then, and he knew about my promise to my dad that I would finish my degree before tying the knot. So, we had no choice but to be in a long-distance relationship.

The years we spent apart were honestly not easy to deal with. The fear of the other person getting romantically involved with a third party was out of the question because my man got stationed practically away from civilization. What’s difficult, however, was staying in contact with one another.

The first year was the hardest stage. My beau and I used to be around each other all the time. Hence, being thousands of miles away from each other made me long for him so much, and vice versa. We would text and video call a few times a day. We would try to take a break on the same day and merely spend it on a “movie date.” By that, I mean I would open Netflix and turn the camera towards the TV screen so that he could watch a film with me.

On the second years, things became a little trickier because we had more responsibilities in our fields. The calls became less frequent; often, we could only communicate through texts. Sometimes, my man would even fall asleep while we were video chatting out of exhaustion, or vice versa.

When the third year came, and his deployment was about to end, I had a heart-to-heart talk with my beau to figure out where we stand. As it turns out, he loves me as much as I love him, and he doesn’t want our relationship to end. When my boyfriend came back, he asked for my hand, filed for retirement, and opened his business. The “long-distance” part of our relationship passed, and we are now happily married.

If you are still in LDR mode, here’s what I learned from my experience that I could share to you.

1. Communicate

Communication is and will always be essential for any relationship. Especially when you live thousands of miles apart, you need to talk – not text – as much as possible. Written messages cannot express how you feel, after all, so you have to use your voice to make the other person understand you.

2. Compromise

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When you are in a long-distance relationship, the effort should not come from one-half of the couple only. You should learn how to compromise to avoid making the other person feel neglected. For instance, if you are too busy today, make time for your love the next day.

3. Prioritize

An individual who cares for you sincerely will never make you feel like you are not their priority and vice versa. Be sure to take at least a few minutes to update one another about your whereabouts and what you are doing. Take note of their likes as well so that you can give it to them if a chance arises.

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Final Thoughts

There’s nothing to worry about no matter how far you are from your love as long as you feel secure with your relationship. Just wait – you may have the same happy ending that I have gotten.

Religion and Schizophrenia

Source: ibpf.org

Religion or belief in the existence of a higher being is practiced by almost 80% of Americans.  Many of our choices and decisions in life are influenced by religion. Moreover, people also seek comfort and solace in their faith during trying times. Practicing a religion is advantageous in the society since it promotes social order, morality, and sense of unity; however, some may argue that there is a fine line between religion and mental illness. In fact, mental health professional in Western culture labels religion as irrational, dependency forming and outdated which results in emotional instability.

Continue reading “Religion and Schizophrenia”

Important Tips If You Want To Get A Grand Piano Instead Of Going To A Therapist

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I have a friend who’s against going to a therapist so much, even though she needs it to treat her depression. She kept on saying, “That’s a waste of money; I’ll get better without that.” What she wanted to do instead was buy a grand piano and learn how to play it. Thinking that it’s better than nothing, her parents decided to get her one. After all, some studies have shown that music therapy can be excellent when it comes to dealing with mental health issues.

What everyone realized, however, is that buying a grand piano is no easy feat. You cannot merely go for the first one you will lay your eyes on because you may end up wanting to return it. Nevertheless, you should not visit a store without any knowledge about the instrument because the staff may point you straight to the most expensive one.

Below are a few ideas you should take note of, for that reason.

Knowing The Grand Piano Family

Grand piano is like a woman not only because of its curves but also because of its ability to produce “children” over time. Some of the members of its brood are the baby, medium, and concert grand pianos.

It is quite easy to distinguish one grand piano from the others since their sizes, usefulness, and affordability can be classified through their names. The baby grand is one of the smallest grand pianos ever made and is often ranging from sizes 4 feet 11 inches to 5 feet 4 inches. The medium grand’s length is around 5 feet 5 inches to 5 feet 9 inches while the concert grand is about 9 feet lengthwise.

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Source: flickr.com

Beginners usually opt for baby grand piano because it is considerably less pricey than the others and is more convenient for those who do not have a spacious vacant area in their home. It has long been known, on the other hand, that the perfect size and the string length of a medium grand have enticed the music schools and some pianists to use it in their practice rooms instead of the bigger pianos. After all, the latter can take up more space, and the smaller ones have shorter string ranges.

Lastly, the concert grand piano is most suited for performance ballrooms and other concert scenes. For one, its overwhelming sound projection can fill a huge venue. Also, its size can easily eat up a normal-sized stage.

The different sizes of grand pianos certainly fit the needs of every pianist and pianist-wannabes alike.

Asian Or European?

There’s also a debate about whether you should buy an instrument from Asia or Europe. From what we’ve gathered, you have to look for these three things:

Modernization

Asians are more advanced in incorporating science in their industrial process. It should not come as a too big of a surprise to hear about the addition of plastic parts like ABS styran in their pianos. Such materials make them more inexpensive and more long-lasting since they cannot be affected by any weather conditions. Also, from what people who have purchased a Yamaha grand piano have been saying about it, this brand has “touch response” keys, so the pianists can definitely enjoy playing it.

The Europeans, although they now seem to begin to think in a liberal manner, are still sticking to the tradition of only using hard and/or softwood for their pianos. It is a good thing too, of course, because it means that they are preserving the old ways.

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Source: commons.wikimedia.org

Durability

Even if European piano makers are not exactly fans of mass production and modernization, the quality of the hardwoods that they are using and the consistency in the sounds that their pianos are producing are both excellent. That’s the reason why we can say that their price range is of the right amounts. Owners of European pianos only get a problem, however, when they move to a tropical country because that’s when these pianos need high maintenance. Otherwise, the instrument will not survive from the new atmospheric condition.

The Asian pianos, on the other hand, do not have that kind of problem since the woods used for them are already from tropical areas. Unfortunately, the sound quality isn’t consistent because it tends to sound rusty after some time.

Price

Hands down, Asian grand pianos like Yamaha or Kawai cost a lot lesser than the European ones such as Fazioli and Bosendorfer. The most apparent cause is that the former are usually made out of lighter materials and probably pieced together by technology while the latter make use of full hardwoods and are done manually by exceptional craftsmen.

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Source: pixabay.com

Final Thoughts

If a depressed loved one says that they want to try something instead of regular psychotherapy, let them do that. You may think that seeing a therapist is the only way for them to get better, but any mental health professional will agree with the troubled individual. After all, it entails that they’re actively looking for ways to improve.

So, considering it’s learning how to play the piano that they want to try, remember everything mentioned above. Good luck!

Can Relationship Counseling Save You And Your Partner?

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Tom and I have been together for five years now, and for the first two years, we had struggles with adjusting to each other’s personalities, arguing over who’s going to do what, and fighting about whether or not we should plan on moving on to the next level – whatever that level was. We’ve consulted with psychologist and psychiatrist friends, and they’ve told us that we were just in the first stages of our relationship and we should set aside our worries and anxieties and focus on compensating and giving way. Now in our fifth year, we are happier than ever. Want to know why? Read on.

 

Fact is, couples must work hard for their relationship to work. When you get past the basic infatuation-attraction phase and step up towards the living together phase, it is usual for partners to forget how they started and why they are together in the first place. When this happens, you begin to lay back and eventually, the romance disappears as quickly as you expect it to. It’s not a great phase at all.

 

Of course, some couples may think that because the romance is fading, there is nothing left fighting for and the battle has been lost. Perhaps you are right. But before giving up, and if there’s tiny hope of love and affection there, don’t you think you ought to stay a while and give your partner a chance of rekindling the love? After all, he used to be someone you committed your life and love to.

 

Why Do Relationships Crash?

Relationships fail for many reasons. Some partners cheat with one-night stands or discreet affairs; others squander the joint bank account with gambling and other forms of recreation. Finding the right partner helps, no matter how cliché that sounds. It doesn’t matter if you find that partner at Tinder or following the steps of a fortuneteller to know if your latest date is the one you’ve been waited for. What’s important is that you both share the same principles and treat each other with respect, love, and compassion.

Source: globaldatinginsights.com

Your relationship will weather the storm if you are kind to each other. Unfortunately, not all individuals have the capacity to be emotionally in touch with themselves and to communicate efficiently so that they are equipped to solve the problems that come in their way. For these individuals, relationship counseling is one of the best solutions. Are you one of these individuals who need a counselor’s help? That depends. According to Chris Corbett, PsyD, “Therapists can provide a fresh perspective on a difficult problem or point you in the direction of a solution. The benefits you obtain from therapy depend on how well you use the process and put into practice what you learn.”

 

According to several studies, most partners try to be together for six years despite their struggles before they reach out to a mental health professional. I think that’s quite a long time. You’d have been through a lot of depressing days and sleepless nights. Before you know it, your relationship has gone way down that you can’t even pull it up an inch.

 

Commitment Takes Two

“Therapy can also promote positive changes in mood, insight and empathy and facilitate healthy relationships.” Said Robin D. Stone, LMHC. Relationship therapy works only if both partners are dedicated to fixing the relationship. When one partner says yes to counseling but his right foot is out of the door, and he has someone in mind other than his official partner, then definitely the counseling would be a waste of time. The therapist will eventually end the session and suggest that you don’t go back because nothing can be done to save the relationship.

 

Learning From The Counselor

On the other hand, if both partners are dead serious about saving the relationship and are hopeful that they can work it out, then the relationship counselor can help in a lot of ways. Initially, she can help you open up about your problems and differences, and both of you can be assured of safety and confidentiality. Then she provides you with powerful tools that you’ll need to fix your problems.

Source: aleteia.org

In most relationships, the primary problem is the lack of communication and openness. Not arguing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a good place. It can also mean that you’re not open enough to tell each other of your faults or confident enough to say how you feel. Arguing helps resolve issues and vent out the frustrations that you have of each other. It’s much better to argue about who is doing the chores this weekend rather than let the resentment linger for months.

“Love is the root of what brings each and every one of us to therapy—the need to understand love, the hunger and desperation to find love and experience love, the desire to love and the desire to be loved,” says Stacy Donn Cristo, LMHC.

If you think that you and your partner are in bad shape right now, try seeking the help of a relationship counselor. Push yourselves further and try reaching out to a professional if you feel the love and you want the love to stay forever.

 

 

 

The 2015 Connecticut Counseling Association Spring Conference

 

Source: pixabay.com

 

Counseling is one of the most popular treatments used by many people who are suffering from mental health-related issues. When I attended the 2015 Connecticut Counseling Association Spring Conference a few years ago, I realized that many people are suffering from their mental illnesses and psychological disorders. Because of this, the services of counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists have become in demand in different parts of the world.

 

If you believe that you need to go through counseling on your own or with your loved one, it is essential that you consider the different characteristics that every excellent counselor must have. You cannot become be careless in choosing the professional who will help you understand what you are going through. Take note that you need to find someone who possesses the necessary skills that can make professional engagement more productive and meaningful.

 

Here are the top characteristics that a good counselor needs to have:

 

  • Empathy – He must be sensitive enough to know and understand the needs of his clients. He should have the capacity to think the way one of his clients does.
  • Communicates Well – Take note that effective communication is essential to make the counseling sessions work. He must be someone who can easily relate to what you are saying. At the same time, he should not interrupt you when you are talking.
  • Trustworthy – He must be the type of professional that you can trust and feel comfortable with. Keep in mind that you cannot lie to a counselor; otherwise, his professional help would prove futile. Look for someone who is guaranteed to be trustworthy.

 

Source: pixabay.com

 

If you want to get better and become a better version of yourself, we highly recommend that you start looking for a counselor as soon as possible. Start as soon as you can!