When You Don’t Know What To Do In Life, Just Wait (And Find Comfort In Therapy)


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I don’t know what to do with my life. It’s not a unique thing. Almost all adults say that to themselves at least once in their lifetime. It doesn’t make you less of a person if you don’t know what to do at an exact moment. You have the opportunity to think, reflect, embrace the idea, move on, and take action. That’s the course. But when it comes to a point when you just can’t seem to reach a valid decision, then, just wait.


What Do You Do When You Don’t Know What To Do?

“But even when problems aren’t severe, therapy can help the child and family
learn new coping skills and different strategies for handling problems,” says
psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. “We need to destigmatize the idea of mental
health treatment.”

Other people reach out to their parents, siblings and loved ones for encouragement, support, and reliable advice. I know I did. When my husband left me, I didn’t know what to do with my life. We’ve been together since we were 14 years old and we got married at twenty. My world was always about him and our child. After 16 years of being together, he divorced me and left me for a younger man. Yes, I said “man,” and you read it right. He was gay, and I had to let him go. “Full and meaningful divorce resolution requires that the parties actively work on accepting the emotional divorce.” Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D. said.


Bits of Advice From Loved Ones

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My mother told me to take all the time that I need and process myself. That was her advice. My godmother said that it would be helpful to stick to a routine, even if I weren’t up for it, I just had to move and do chores or errands every day. I followed her suggestion, and frankly, it kept me going for months when I felt like a robot in zombie mode.


Father didn’t say much, and I know that he is so disappointed in my husband. You can hear him utter – He should have been honest with you from the start. Well, he wasn’t, and I was in that tight position.


Months after the divorce declaration, the “routine” was helping out. The “processing of self” moved at least one centimeter, and my dad mellowed down a bit. They were telling me that I have to go out more and meet new people to be “alive” again. What for and why? Was I dead? I found their comments funny, and it was during those talks with my loved ones that I’d laugh at their observation on me.


A Quote That Changed My Perspective

One time, I stumbled upon a quote that I read on the internet. It said:


“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”


― Mandy Hale


She said, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Of course! I was with my husband for a very long time, and I didn’t see his sexuality. Anything is truly possible! Now, if my husband found his “possible” in life and was courageous enough to tell me after 16 years, then, I should be able to do it too.


Mom was right. I need to process myself. It’s not expected of me to move on in a snap or to find an answer for my problems immediately. I can wait and embrace uncertainty. Mandy Hale said anything is possible for me at this point.


My Life, My Move


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And so I did what any typical (and lost) person would do. I reached out to a divorce therapist and a life coach. Oh, I tell you it’s not easy. This life is not comfortable at all. But I am thriving, and I am slowly grasping the ropes flung to me.

“Good therapists always know the limits of their expertise,” said Deborah Serani, Psy.D, 

I can do it. My heart and mind will surpass this. I know I will.